Posted by: marthacoolcat | February 13, 2009

11002 Things To Be Miserable About

Miscarriages (of babies and/ or justice)

Rust (how can life giving air make things decay?)

Sarah Harmer’s “Trouble in these fields”

William Blake says that the children who clean chimneys used to attract business by announcing their work, but it came out “weep weep”

Broken headlights

Lonely web users

Lonely library users

Getting a ticket for a broken headlight

Overdue fines

Children in poorly ventilated factories making anything fluorescent

Shopping at the Biway for plastic shoes

Post surgery shaved cats

Dogs with cones on their heads who can’t get their mouths low enough to eat

If golf is your biggest pleasure and chief ambition, unless your Tiger

Licking car stalactites – those slush formations under your car behind your tires

North Korea


Patriotism, too much of it.

Child soldiers

Child addicts

Child porn


That the game Monopoly is popular


That my car tire could ever explode

Exhaust fumes


One shoe in the middle of the median

Being out of gas

Children reciting things they don’t believe

Sun bleached forgotten neglected toys

Litter in space

White woolen mitten post puddle

Dirty lipstick



They burned the velveteen rabbit



Old fries


Plastic packaging

Uncontrolled intersections

Not-visionary teachers




Root canal



US borders

PETA ads

Hospital garbage bins

Invasive species

Black ice

I bought berries in February and they rotted

Mold on chocolate sauce

Fridge whine

Road kill

Urban sprawl

Selfish politicians


Willful ignorance

Drinking cleaning products for the alcohol

Mercury in breastmilk

Someday Jean Vanier, Johnathan Goldstein, Sean Cullen, and Douglas Coupland will be dead




A widow’s first Valentine’s Day

Butter icing made from margarine

Short haired Barbie, old unloved toys

Receiving and undesirable but homemade gift

Love ending

Not forgiving

Spousal abuse that began during pregnancy


Trainwrecks with dead people

Gas station washrooms

The airline broke my suitcase

Saved wine that went bad

Milk that went bad

Relationships that went bad

Cops that went bad

You have to debeak chickens to stop them from pecking each other to death

Veal production

Fox canceled _Firefly_

Moth eaten clothes

The smell of moth balls

Lose lose situations

Removing others’ hair etc. from the drain

Loudly unhappy kids at the mall

Babies on my flight

Late papers



People belittling themselves


Smoke stacks were once a sign of a successful city

Traffic lights changing for no one

Never playing

Peeling paint

Mal- or under- functioning toilet

Drunk fraternity mob mentality

Wet cats


The enduring appeal of boogers to children

Peanut free zones


Bowels that are irritated

Why couldn’t the sky dome keep its generic brand free first name?

Rejected love letters

Getting an I’m-breaking-up-with-you voicemail

Farm animals that didn’t get a year of the Chinese Zodiac named after them

Paving farm land

Date rape drugs

Moms who can’t lay off

Laid-off moms

Poor radio reception fuzz

Font mis-choice (Cartoon letters, like multiple exclamation marks should be used sparingly)

The ugliest snow endures the longest

Uncomfortable silences


People with hangovers

Selling dead people’s clothes

Infrequent sunlight aka cloudy Waterloo Novembers

Nuclear winter

The interest on Pay-Day loans

That people try to sell expensive cars and stuff to first nations people who just got a payout from the government

Tying ladies to train tracks

Lonely circus freaks and carnies’ teeth

General poor dental self-care

The number of murders we’ve all watched on tv etc.

I could go on and on! Well, okay actually that was 134(ish?) things to be miserable about. On the CBC Radio show _Q_, Jian Gomeshi interviewed the authors of this book/ list of _11002 Things to be Miserable About_, a parody of those _14000 things to be Happy About_ books. I thought I would make my own list. It was pretty fun. They are not AT ALL IN ANY WAY prioritized. I was driving during it, so auto-related misery inspiring things are probably over represented. They had some funny ones like the sex lives of early Puritans.


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